Beginning Again
Part of growing is transformation and allowing some parts to die. I’d like to be more accepting of endings. It’s an important step to growth. I want to greet it like I greet a new life. Even writing that is scary— both are hard. The push and pull and constant motion and movement of beginning and end. Release and acceptance. I know that the middle of that spiral is balance.
I’ve realized, I don’t spend enough time being happy in the moment. I have a lot to be grateful for and I am working on living in that balance. If I’m ready to evolve my life in any area, the part of me working against that evolution and holding on to old ways of thinking must die.
Last week, I started an Art Fellowship. A start again. I had to (uncomfortably) change the limits I put on myself. This is a lot for most people. Four kids & work & all else. Sometimes it’s a lot for me. But I can handle it. I’ve done hard, great things before. I do them now, on a daily basis and I will continue.
When Bobby and I got pregnant with the twins before we knew they were twins we already made commitments to expand our life.. We got a bigger car, we moved out of our one-bedroom apartment- temporarily in with my mom- until we found a 3 bedroom house in Inglewood. Where we were received by our incredible community.
As challenging as that journey was: being in the hospital for two months, being away from Judah, leaving the hospital with them in NICU. We got through. I was surrounded by incredible humans who watched Judah, cooked meals, visited me, checked on Bobby sent me food,and sent me messages. (You know who you are! Thank You!) Challenges that seemed insurmountable at the time became our not-so-distant past. How amazing that in spite of the statistics, here they are. I was taught resilience by what I’ve lived through and like my Mother and her Mother and her Mother’s Mother I am strong. I will not only endure but flourish! I’m grateful for the challenges that have built resilience in me and helped me expand my self-awareness.
